You might have heard me say before that my favorite genre of music is “gospel blues.”   In an essay I just read, I’ve figured out why.

In Stephen Citron’s “SONGWRITING: A Complete Guide to the Craft,” he describes the different forms of song.  He goes through pop, country, musical comedy, rock, spirituals, and then blues.  Here’s what he says about blues:

“While the spiritual expressed the belief in the Bible and the hereafter, the blues avoided religion and was concerned with the now.” (26)

What happens when we combine the two?  We get a Gospel that speaks to us now, that avoids religion, and gets at the core of humanity and its need for salvation.  When we combine the two we get this:

And this:

(Yes, that is a Tom Waits song.  Yes, that is the theme to the Wire.  Watch it! All five seasons! Netflix it! Now!)

And let’s not forget about this song:

And these guys–these guys are probably my favorite:

I have two roommates, both poets. J is from Ohio/all over, and M is from upstate New York.  Last night I had a great conversation with M and she said some things that I’m still thinking about and want to write about.

We talked about how we see evidence of God in our lives because of the way we desire to love people (siblingly love, thank you very much) who, to most standards, don’t really require our love. My students, for instance. I find myself praying for love for my students and, so far, God has come through. I really do love my students, even the ones that give me a hard time. I can’t explain it but to say that this love must come from another place.

M and I also talked about mental stability, and how we’ve both struggled with depression a bit. She said that she knows when she’s depressed, or in her head too much and obsessed with negative thoughts, that she’s not spiritually available for other people. That’s why she’s been finding ways to overcome depression (and as far as I know, she’s doing great. She’s in grad school, for one.)

I really like this idea of being “spiritually available to other people.”  Perhaps that is why I made it the title of this blog entry.    No, I think the reason I like it is because it’s definitely something I can’t really define, let alone accomplish.  But I do know what it is; I do know when I’m spiritually available and when I’m not.  I guess a lot of it, in my experience, has had to do with perspective.  This is what I think Jesus is getting at when he’s asking us to love God and Love people. God has been able to clean out my head and help me to see other people, not as broken, necessarily, but on their way to being fixed.

I don’t think that depression is the only thing that can hinder a person’s spiritual abililty.  Right now other things distract me–school pressures, tendency to gossip, etc.  But I was grateful for my conversation with M.  It’s nice to come across people who encourage love and spiritual availability.

rice and beans
super video friday with my students
fiji exists
good impulses
turning bad impulses into good things
huge bass rhythms shaking asphalt
no more 19c british novels to read this year
chocolate mousse
that little clay loaf of bread with bible scriptures inside, on cards
wine with friends
sunnier days
rainier days inside
songkran
just three more weeks
just four more weeks
just breathing
baptisms at the au sable river
leaves on trees
not being a romanticist
the road, by cormac mccarthy
doing while waiting
bubblemint
other addictions from roadtrips
mudgie’s in corktown
sheol is a garbage dump
thai dramas
the new dan kahn
the new u2
the new us

(Blogs are so self-indulgent.  Please know I know this, as now I’m going to tell you about how I eat.  This is the shit I’ll want to read in like, 10 years, when I’m trying to remember grad school.)

So, every week I make about one meal and then spread it out for the rest of the week.  I know this sounds nuts, but this is grad school.  I also warm up pizzas on other nights, eat cereal for breakfast, usually, with blueberries.  I come home and eat crackers and peanut butter or crackers with brie, or carrots with hummus.  But cooking I only do about once a week because I have no tiempo para nada.

(I’m also writing to you after I’ve returned home from my Spanish lesson. That last sentence may or may not be correct.  I have no idea.)

So, this week I made rice and beans.  That’s right! You thought I was going to say I made something elaborate for my 1 meal per week.  Get real, I’m in grad school.  All my time goes into school and Facebook.

So, this week I made rice and beans.  This is such good food for people in grad school, because you can make a whole tub of it (like I did), and then eat microwaved portions of it whenever.  Really, I just started this post to tell you that, in heating up my last portion, I had this wild idea to stick pineapples in it.

Now, those of you who have been to the tropics know that in non-tropical climates, we don’t really have pineapple.  We have something like pineapple, something the same color, texture and with a hint of pineapple flavor, but it’s not quite pineapple.  This is the stuff I’m talking about that I put in my rice and beans.

And it was so good!  I cut it into bits, threw them on top of my beans and rice, and the (hint of) pineapple flavor soaked over the rice, making a really nice sweet and sour rice dish.  And spicy for me, because I dump dried chilis on my food and then squirt it over with Sriracha sauce.  But you get the picture.

When I left for America, my Thai friend P’G asked what I’d eat when I got here.  He said, “Will you eat steak?”  like that’s all Americans eat.

Steak! Like I have time to make steak.

Please do your best to love what you do. We need that.

Sincerely,
NJ

This is such a self-indulgent post, but I’m putting down these thoughts so that I can return to this blog one day when I’m down on myself about my writing. I hope that if anyone reads it, they will find it inspirational, maybe, rather than annoying. Deepest apologies for the latter reaction.

I have been writing more, trying to check in every day. (Thank you Bret Anthony Johnston for inspiring me to write every day.)

This is to record: when I write, I am happier. I’m happy because I’m more aware of people, of details, of conflicts, of dialogue and fascinating things people say. I’m not sure if I am more sensitive, but I do feel like I can understand people’s perspectives more when I am writing. I’m productive, and that makes me happy, but I’m happy the way Buddhists are supposed to be happy–I’m happy because I take time out each day to spend with language. To spend clarifying ideas. Writing is a gift–it’s the opportunity to meditate and produce something from the thoughts. This is enough. The rest is just icing on the cake. (The rest, being that machinery we call the business side of writing).

This is also to record: Today I am a happy writer, even though I’ve only received rejection letters (okay, not totally true, but I still don’t see myself as successfully published). I met an author, Angie Cruz, last week, who told me that if I don’t give up, I’ll make it. It’s simple, but writers need to hear this. There are so many reasons to just give up. The odds are against us.

This is to record: I am content with where my writing is, even though I hope it goes much further. I have a story that is now waiting to be read by 20 lit mags. What’s crazy is that I expect 20 rejections. What’s crazier is that I don’t mind, because right now, what I went through in writing and revising that story enhanced my life.

This is to record: I have a job, which is teaching, and I love it. I love it because teaching makes my writing better, and because being a writer makes my teaching better.

This is to record:

God’s word is my fuel (God’s word: love your neighbor, I am with you, do not be afraid, trees with nests from mustard seeds).

Love is my calling.

Writing is my work.

Teaching is my ministry.

“Make 2009 a blessed year”

(It was for reading the Bible).

Reading: all 450 pages of Mansfield Park by Tuesday, random little essays, short stories by my colleagues.

Listening to: Harvest Moon, Dan Kahn’s Oak album, myself nag myself

Dreaming about: my roommate’s mother randomly coming into the apartment while I’m watching the latest Michael Moore, which in my dream happens to be about Afghanistan, and then she plops down on my bed and says “I’m going to have to sleep here tonight.”

Writing: Short stories, musical bits

Teaching: The joy of reading (Sherman Alexie for the next few weeks)

Eating: Red Baron Pizzas, leathery fruit strips, chocolate, lunch with friends

Needing: reminders

Buying: more books than I should. groceries. a teeny bit of gas.

Enjoying: daily MSNing with the P’s, Spanish immersion, the opportunity to read and be taught good books, my students.

Cursing: the cold

Thankful for: a worldful of friends

Should be: writing, reading, listening to Thai or Spanish television (I found a website with TV from all over the world!)

Shouldn’t be: on the internet, leeui.

In the habit of saying: Yo. Leeui. Jinglaw?

Missing: music shows, bohemians, the citay, my wife, my family and my mistress.

Anticipating: AWP, Spring, Yam Bladuk foo and watermelon smoothies, P’s, Fellowship, Lexie and Michelle, 8 years of pride in the president.